My guy and I were back to our normal yesterday and were doing well until this morning when we started talking about our impending future and what we both want out of it. Long story short, he is now dead set against having a child while I've wanted to be a mom since I was 25. If I'm to stay with him, I'll have to go back on birth control if I ever want to have sex with him again. We've been having unprotected sex for the last 10 months and nothing has happened yet. I'm beginning to think I'm not able to get pregnant...
So, do I stay with the man I love and, possibly, forgo my dreams of ever becoming a mom or do I forsake the one I love for something that I may not be capable of? This is the conundrum in which I find myself... I was having a rough day at work and told him I couldn't let go of the chance to be a mom, which I later was able to reverse, pleading bad circumstances for that kind of decision making. Before the redaction, he said his heart was crushed and that about killed me. The last thing I want to do is hurt him like that. But do I want to live the rest of my life hurting because I never had children? I wish there was some damn way we could both get what we want. Damnit!! My only hope is that, being the somewhat mercurial man he is, he'll change his mind down the line. But that's not guaranteed to happen and once again I'll be the one sacrificing.
I can't really talk to anyone about this, but God do I wish my Daddy was here! He'd at least let me cry it all out on his chest and tell me it will work out somehow. My mom doesn't want to hear it and, again, I can't burden my friends with this. I know they'll all tell me that being a mom is the choice I need to make.
I'm so damned confused. The next few days and/or weeks are going to be so difficult.
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