I have wanted a baby for several years and was planning on using donor sperm if needed. My boyfriend recently offered to father my child, after signing off any financial obligation. I'm fine with that, its what would happen with a donor anyways, but he has said he'll help me as much as he can.
I was going to wait until I got a job, but decided today to finish out my pack of bc pills and let Mother Nature do her thing after that. I'm excited and completely freaked out at the same time! My close friend has my back and will help me in any way she can. Brian will also be involved as much as his schedule allows. I want him to be involved and see the first step our baby takes and hear the first word our child says. He seems to be excited about it and always asks me "What are you going to do when our kid...." questions. His son wasn't planned and his mom won't let Brian take Evan on his own, she always has to be there. I won't do that to him. I, barring a postpartum freak out, have no problem with Brian bonding and hanging out with our baby on his own. I can't wait to come home and see the two of them passed out in the recliner...
Our situation is a bit complicated, seeing as how he's married, but I'm trying not to dwell on that until I absolutely have to. I love Brian and get along with him so well, with the exception of when he's off his meds. I don't know that I'll be able to be "their" girlfriend after Michelle returns, but I'm not going to leave until I give it a shot....
Monday, July 19, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Life's Funny That Way...
I've been with my man for almost 2 months now and I still can't believe our relationship is the way it is. We get along so well, with the exception of a few minor issues, and I'm so glad that fate intervened to bring him into my life! We just spent 4 days and 2,300 miles in his big rig for work and we're still speaking and want to have sex with each other! He's on his way to Seattle and actually wanted me to go with him, even though we'd just spent 4 days together!
My last boyfriend always need some time alone after we'd been together for 2-3 days and I'm still adjusting to being with someone who Wants me around as much as possible. Speaking of the ex, I texted him last night about getting together for lunch (we haven't seen each other since Dec) and he said he wasn't sure. I figured he was concerned about my reaction, but he told me, without elaborating, that he was concerned about his reaction, not mine. Needless to say, that piqued my curiosity immensely and made me wonder what he meant. He'll probably never tell me, but I like to think he realized, after our split, how much he cares about me. That would also explain why he hasn't seemed to have any girlfriends since then...
Back to my hottie trucker, he was first to say "I love you" and my first reaction was to not believe him, but I do now and have reciprocated the sentiment. I hadn't said it in so long, it took some getting used to! I feel amazing when I'm with him and, barring any serious issues, he's going to be the father of my child within the next 12-18 months. I've wanted a baby since I was 25 and didn't get one out of my marriage. When I turned 33, I decided that if I didn't find someone I wanted to have a child with by the time I turned 34, I would use a sperm bank and become a single mother. Much to my surprise and delight, Brian said that he would father my baby.... I was floored at first and it was weird to refer to 'our baby', but now its second nature and we talk about it frequently. He'll ask me 'Are you going to melt if you come in the room and our son is asleep on my chest?' or 'Are you going to let our son suck on your nose?' I'm starting to feel like I did when I first began wanting a baby and it feels incredible! He's smart, funny, and gorgeous and I couldn't think of a better person to father my baby. He is a trucker and can be gone for weeks at a time, so I don't know how its going to work out, but he wants to be involved and I wouldn't want it any other way. If it comes down to his not being around enough, I'll refer to him as 'Uncle Brian' until my child's old enough to understand why. I know its not going to be easy and being a single mom isn't the ideal situation, but I want a baby with every fiber of my being and will deal with whatever comes to have one.
My last boyfriend always need some time alone after we'd been together for 2-3 days and I'm still adjusting to being with someone who Wants me around as much as possible. Speaking of the ex, I texted him last night about getting together for lunch (we haven't seen each other since Dec) and he said he wasn't sure. I figured he was concerned about my reaction, but he told me, without elaborating, that he was concerned about his reaction, not mine. Needless to say, that piqued my curiosity immensely and made me wonder what he meant. He'll probably never tell me, but I like to think he realized, after our split, how much he cares about me. That would also explain why he hasn't seemed to have any girlfriends since then...
Back to my hottie trucker, he was first to say "I love you" and my first reaction was to not believe him, but I do now and have reciprocated the sentiment. I hadn't said it in so long, it took some getting used to! I feel amazing when I'm with him and, barring any serious issues, he's going to be the father of my child within the next 12-18 months. I've wanted a baby since I was 25 and didn't get one out of my marriage. When I turned 33, I decided that if I didn't find someone I wanted to have a child with by the time I turned 34, I would use a sperm bank and become a single mother. Much to my surprise and delight, Brian said that he would father my baby.... I was floored at first and it was weird to refer to 'our baby', but now its second nature and we talk about it frequently. He'll ask me 'Are you going to melt if you come in the room and our son is asleep on my chest?' or 'Are you going to let our son suck on your nose?' I'm starting to feel like I did when I first began wanting a baby and it feels incredible! He's smart, funny, and gorgeous and I couldn't think of a better person to father my baby. He is a trucker and can be gone for weeks at a time, so I don't know how its going to work out, but he wants to be involved and I wouldn't want it any other way. If it comes down to his not being around enough, I'll refer to him as 'Uncle Brian' until my child's old enough to understand why. I know its not going to be easy and being a single mom isn't the ideal situation, but I want a baby with every fiber of my being and will deal with whatever comes to have one.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My 33rd Year...
I spent my 20's, when most people are going crazy, as a married gal, but I'm making my 33rd year pretty awesome! I've done some things in the last year that I never thought I'd do at 33... I won't go into details, but I've definitely enjoyed them!
One thing I certainly never thought I'd do was date someone 8 years my junior. Until recently, I held the gross generalization that all 25 year old guys were the same. Of course, this thought was based solely on the interactions I'd had with them, mostly online. The conversations usually progressed as such: him "Hey Cutie. How're you?" me "I'd good, thanks. How are you?" him "I can't wait to get into your pants" me, "Whoa, don't get ahead of yourself." him "Don't think you can keep up with me sexually?".... At this point, I don't even bother replying. What makes them think that this is a good opening set of lines? They don't even bother with "My name is ______. Tell me about yourself." or anything remotely conversational. Fucking retards....
Onto my current situation:
About 6 months ago, I was approached on MS by a cute 25 year old long haul trucker, but I chose not to meet him in person because I had a strong feeling I was going to like him and then be crushed when he left for 6-8 weeks at a time. I've been there, done that, and didn't want to put myself through that again. (Our convo, at that time, didn't end superbly, mainly because of my personal issue with the age difference.) So, Imagine my surprise, when I get a "wink" on a dating site from the same cute trucker! We were both agreeable to giving it another chance and began emailing back and forth for a few days. It was nice to have a normal conversation and he quickly proved that he's unlike any 25 year old I'd met thus far. I like to say he's done a LOT of living in his 25 years. He's intelligent and great to talk to, but he's not afraid to be goofy and makes me laugh all the time!! I still have to pinch myself sometimes. I Never thought someone as hot and awesome as he is would be interested in me!! Our situation is a bit complicated, to say the least, but I LOVE being with him and wouldn't trade a moment for anything (except some of the love marks!).
I have no idea what's going to happen in the next several months, but I know it could end in heartbreak for me. Unfortunately, I'm incapable of being in a relationship without going "All In" and it does open me up for the possibility of heartache, but I have too much respect for him and our relationship to do it any other way. I live life by the motto "Go Big or Go Home" and my romantic relations are very much included in that. I couldn't, and wouldn't, do it otherwise.
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